While reading back over my blogs today to find out what I had not yet shared, I found that there is a lot. Also, I must apologise for typos and poor grammar and edit my work better in future. Then again, I’m on holidays and there are better things to do than spend time in front of a computer. You know what I mean anyway, don’t you?
This week’s blog will be a collection of odds and sods. As there are no appropriate segues (thank you Claus for correcting my spelling from an earlier blog - I knew it looked wrong), I will use sub-headings. I promise it will get more exciting from here.
Sights visited and culinary adventures
Today I visited Ipanema. I didn’t see THE girl (apparently she is still hanging around in a boutique somewhere thereabouts) but there were certainly many tall and tanned and lovely others walking about. I was compelled to sigh - the song is a true story. Every guide book I have read informs me that Cariocas (residents of Rio) are very health and body conscious. Certainly if you walk the length of Copacabana (which I have now also done a couple of times), you see buffed and beauteous specimens of humanity baring almost all and either strutting down the promenade or demonstrating their glories on the many workout stations lining the beach. It’s enough to make one feel positivity flabby and dash to the nearest McDonalds for some comfort food.
Oddly enough, my culinary adventures lead me to suspect that “health” and “body conscious” are falsely used interchangeably. I say that not because I have visited every restaurant and eaten in every home but just from casual observations since my arrival. (As usual, my opinions are based on solid evidence.) What I have observed is a diet that I suspect might send most nutritionists into cardiac arrest. Lots of meat, lots of carbs (rice and black beans, served together, are a staple), lots of cheese, lots of creamy sauces, LOADS of sugar and very few vegetables. And large portions - close to American sized portions. In particular, sugar is everywhere. Not just in the absolutely delicious fruits (of which there is an astounding variety and quality) but in bread, pastries (lots and lots and lots of pastries), cakes, desserts. There are dessert carts almost as commonly spaced as magazine kiosks (more on that later).
And lucky for me that they are so sugar obsessed because I love dessert. Today I ate lunch at Gula Gula in Ipanema, recommended by the ever-chic Wallpaper City Guide and described as ‘low calorie, high nutrition’. I’m not sure how an apricot and brie quiche can be low calorie but I chose to believe them. And because I did, I allowed myself dessert - chocolate gateau. But seriously. This chocolate gateau was not just heavenly - it was crisis inducing. Pack your bags immediately all of you. This cake alone is worth the trip to Rio. I am not exaggerating, regardless of the fact that I normally do. This time, I’m really not.
Bookshops and Magazine Kiosks
Bookshops here are like a box of chocolates - you never know what you’re going to get. More to the point, you have no real idea where to find it (unless of course if you’re buying in Portugese in which case you will have no problems at all and can disregard this part of the blog). Foolishly, I expected bookshops might have a foreign language section where you could helpfully browse the titles that they stock in your language of choice, perhaps helpfully labelled “foreign language section” or the (less helpfully) Portugese equivalent. Clearly that is just my logic.
Fiction books in English are stocked in an area labelled “pocket books”. Babelfish gone wrong? Non-fiction books are stocked in their relevant sections. Except business and religion, which are genres that have no English titles and self-help, which doesn’t exist as a genre at all. Which is a shame because I really like self-help, especially when I am traveling and have plenty of time to brood and navel-gaze. (Admitting I actually like self-help books feels similar to how my friend (who shall remain nameless in case he comes to his senses) must have felt when he publicly admitted he liked Sarah Palin.) So, many an hour can be happily spent in bookshops scouring the shelves for that one English-language history book or cookbook. Ironically, there are always many more English titles to choose from in the travel section.
Speaking of choices, Brazilians must devour magazines by the truckload. There are tens if not hundreds of titles to choose from and there are magazine kiosks selling them (I kid you not) at least every 50 yards. It’s quite astonishing. I’m really not sure what to make of it. Maybe I just won’t puzzle over it anymore.
Buses
Bus stops in Rio are worthy of a mention if for no other reason than you have to be very lucky (or a local) to find one. I recently went to meet a friend in Copacabana and he kindly sent instructions to “catch the 464 bus to Barata Robeiro”. Easy for him to say. I’d happily catch the bus if I could work out where the bus stop is.
Admittedly, in some parts of Rio there are actual bus stops. But these are few and far between. More commonly, there are two other ways of catching a bus:
flag one down where ever you happen to be (this is not always a successful strategy)
look for a loose congregation of people standing on the side of a road not talking to each other - this is likely to be a bus stop.
On the up-side, buses are cheap, frequent and prolific so it is worth mastering the system. Such as it is.
I no speak-a your language
I admit I’m not really trying to learn Portugese. I fear linguistics will interfere with my right-brain dancing experiment so I am resisting organised efforts to learn the language (such as memorising my phrasebook or taking lessons or actually committing to remembering words). Given this, I probably don’t have a right to complain about how hard it is but, don’t worry, that isn’t going to stop me.
Portugese is hard. I speak a couple of languages well and can stutter and butcher my way through a couple more but this one is very tricksy. For a start, it sounds closer to a slavic tongue than Spanish. This should be helpful with my slavic origins but I’m afraid it just short-circuits my brain. When I first arrived in Salvador airport I was bemused at why there were so many Russian tourists in Brazil. Now of course, I can hear the difference but there are still some startling similarities. For example, “proxima” which is used to invite the next person in the queue to come forward, sounds remarkably like a “Russianised” Polish word for “please”. It actually means “next” (or it an mean near - go figure) but I hope you can understand my confusion.
Secondly, pronunciation is quite difficult. For a start, there are various regional accents. OK, there are in English as well but apart from aluminium and aluminum, we largely all pronounce words similarly enough. Here, for example, an “s” may be pronounced as an “s” or as a “sh”. It is unclear which is the proper or correct pronunciation. In typical Brazilian “whatever” style (they don’t stress about much, these people), if you press them, they tell you the correct way is whatever is the opposite of the one they use.
Thirdly, reading. An “r” can be pronounced as a rolling “r” (as in Gloria) or as a “h” (as in Barra) or be silent (as in Largo). A “t” can be a normal “t” or a “chee”. Catete has both - Catechee. Confused? I also.
Still, I must be doing something right. I have mastered “I don’t speak Portugese” so well that several times I have been argued with that surely I do. No, really. I don’t but I continue to try. Yoda would be disappointed and point out there is no try. I bet he never attempted Portugese.
Dangers
One of the biggest dangers in Rio (or at least in Santa Teresa) is electricity wires and it is simply because they hang so low. So low that even I have stopped eye-level with some. I’m surprised that there are not more incidences of garroting or electrocution here. Then again, maybe there are and I just don’t know about them because I can’t read the newspaper.
In regards to hearing “news”, I am in a happier place when I don’t know about it. For example, I recently found out that on the weekend a French tourist fell to his death off the Bondhe (tram) as it went over the Lapa arches and was subsequently robbed at the bottom by the homeless kids that live under the arches.
The street kids are a sad reality here in Rio. Homelessness is sad regardless but when it is children, it is even worse. In the mid 90s, there were so many street kids sleeping on the steps of the Cathedral, that the police came in and shot them en masse. I asked several Cariocas about this incident. Alarmingly, they typically gave a shrug of the shoulders and explained that the kids had been making a nuisance of themselves for years, making life nearly impossible for traders and shop keepers in the area. I find it impossible to comprehend that a mass execution of anyone, let alone children, would be considered a suitable solution under any circumstances. But there you go - it happened here.
Mind you, I do not understand why and how they are homeless in the first place but so they are. And I may be Pollyanna, but I don’t think it’s right. I’d like this to change. Ideally, they would be found a loving home and given a chance at schooling. Realistically, I think they need to be occupied by earning legitimate money instead of relying on theft or begging. I read in that in Curitiba street kids are employed by the city government to tend public parks and gardens. I think that in Rio, they would make excellent cut price “tour guides”.
Tim Ferris (author) claims to have a system of learning language that enables conversational level language to be learned in 4 weeks. Imagine if they could quickly learn, say English, and then be organised through hotels to accompany tourists to wherever they want to go and act as defacto translators. The tourists would get the benefit of affordable assistance (Rio is not an ‘easy-travel’ city for non-Portugese speakers, so there is definitely a need). Meanwhile, the kids could have income, plus they would get exposure to places (and therefore a kind of life) that they wouldn’t normally be able to have. How often would a street kid go into a museum or art gallery? How often would they be able to communicate with people from other places and learn about different ways of life? Along with the inducement to “stay out of trouble” by having regular income, they could have their horizons expanded and therefore a chance to imagine a different life to the one they are now consigned to. Most importantly, they would have a language skill which could then give them entry into other positions - in the hospitality industry, as language teachers, as city ambassadors. Given Brazil has some major events coming up - notably the World Cup and the Olympics - having these children helping rather than hindering would be a win-win for everyone. Anyone have better ideas? Or else anyone know how I can get some traction for this idea?
Here's a thought aren't you meeting the ex Lord Mayor? Ask him for connections! It's a great idea as long as the kids don't try then to rip off the tourists once they are alone with them! Kids are crafty!
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